A Day In the Life of the Empire
by Skulls
Summary: What REALLY goes on in the death star, now you know why the empire never is able to catch the rebels.


Galaxy Guy

Disclaimer: I don't own anything in this story except for the story itself.

Darth Vader was walking along the corridors of the death star, until a monkey jumped out and got on his helmet and was beating on his head. "Ah get off you little bastard" he screamed. Then some stormtroopers came and saw this. "Help lord Vader" said one stormtroopers, and they blasted at the monkey but it jumped off and the blaster bolt hit Vader's head. Vader collapsed, "Uh, lord Vader? Are you alright" asked the stormtrooper.

Emperor Palpatine starts to rap

Emperor Palpatine: It's not the East or the West side.

Darth Vader: No its not

Palpatine: Its not the north or the south side.

Darth Vader: no its not.

Palpatine: It's the Dark side.

Darth Vader: that is correct.

Palpatine: And to all you vada hatas out there, we'll blow your planet up!

Darth Vader: What is thy bidding my master?

Palpatine: It's a disaster Luke Skywalker is trying to join the jedi.

Darth Vader: But if he could be turned he could be a powerful ally.

Palpatine: perfect, another dark jedi

Darth Vader: He will join us or die. We got death star. We got death star. Yeah we got death star. We got Death star.

Stormtroopers start to put their arms up

Intro ends

Vader stood in the emperor's throne room. "So you got attacked by a rabid monkey huh?" asked Palpatine. "Yes my master" Vader replied. "This is very disturbing news lord Vader; I am assigning you the task of getting rid of this monkey". "Yes my master, he will join us or die" said Vader and bowing. "What?" asked Palpatine? "Oh sorry wrong movie, I'll get to work on getting rid of the evil monkey" said Vader. "Good, see to it that the job gets done" Palpatine replied. "What will you be doing master?" asked Vader. "Um, some evil sith stuff, or something like that" said Palpatine nervously. "Oh okay" said Vader and walked out of the room. Palpatine looked around to make sure Vader is really gone, and then he spins his chair in circles "Weeeeee!"

As soon as Vader got out of the throne room he contacted Boba Fett. "Boba are you there?" he asked. "Yes what is it" Boba replied curtly. "I'm putting a bounty on a rabid monkey that is on board the death star, you interested?" asked Vader. "You have to be kidding me" said Boba. "Nope" replied Vader. "Fine I'll be right there" and then Boba came around the corner of the corridor. "How did you get here so fast?" asked Vader. "I'm a mysterious bad ass villain like that" said Boba. "Your not mysterious, any one who's seen episode 2 would know you're a clone of Jango Fett" said Vader. "Do you want this monkey taken care of or not?" asked Boba. "Yes, sorry about that, anyway the monkey has been spotted at the northeast corner of the death star" said Vader. "The death star has no corners, its round…idiot" said Boba. "Whatever just find it" Vader screamed angrily. "Reduced to being an exterminator, has my bad ass villain persona fallen so far?" mumbled Boba, and walked toward the northeast part of the death star.

Vader stood on the command deck of the death star. "This search for the rebel base is getting a little dull, I think we should make it a little more interesting" Vader said to the Imperial officers and stormtroopers. Vader pressed a button on his chest, and then the Macarena started to play. Then Vader started to do the Macarena, "come on join in" Vader ordered. The stormtroopers looked at each other and shrugged and started to do the Macarena as well.

Meanwhile Boba Fett was setting up land mines in the corridor. "This should get rid of the little beast, and that idiot Vader would get off my back, how the hell would a monkey get here… on the death star anyway?" Boba said to himself. Then the monkey snuck behind Boba and let out a screech. Boba got startled and jumped, the jump activated his jet pack and he soared into the ceiling, hitting his head and landing on the land mines.

Back in the throne room…

Emperor spotted a lever on his chair. "Oooh what does this do?" he said and pulled the lever. The chair suddenly shot up high in the air, and Palpatine hit his head on the ceiling, and the chair came back down.

Back on the command deck…

Vader and the stormtroopers were still doing the Macarena. "Wow all this dancing sure makes me hungry" said Vader, and dialed a few buttons on his chest. There was a ring tone, and then a voice answered. "Evil Joe's Pizza parlor?" said the voice.

"Yeah I'd like 5 large pepperoni pizzas, 3 cheese pizzas with anchovies" "No Anchovies" interrupted a stormtrooper that was still doing the Macarena. "Scratch that then, no anchovies" said Vader. "Alright I've got 5 large pepperonis and 3 cheese, is that correct?" said the employee guy. "Yup, that's it" said Vader. "Your total is 15 credits, plus tip, thank you for choosing Evil Joe's, who's been feeding villains for 50 years" said the employee.

Back with Boba….

Boba was patting out the fire that was on his helmet. His armor has become very black, due to the landmines exploding. This time Boba set mouse traps in the corridors, "This will teach it to mess with me" said Boba. But once again the monkey came behind him and pushed him into the middle of the traps. The mousetraps snapped on Boba's feet. "Ow,Ow,Ow" Boba screamed.

Back in the throne room…..

Palpatine saw another lever on his chair. He reached for it, but yanked his hand back, but curiosity got the better of him and he pulled the lever. The chair jerked forward and sent Palpatine flying.

Back on the command deck….

Vader and the stormtroopers were sitting down eating pizza. "Know what? This would go great with music" said Vader, he turned a dial on his chest plate and Shakira's 'La Tortura' started to play. "Hell no I hate this song" said a stormtrooper. Vader turned the dial again and Kiss started to play. "Yeah there we go" said an imperial officer. "No wait hold on" said Vader and pressed another button and Slipknot's song 'Duality' came on. "Yeah" said Vader and started to headbang.

Back with Boba…

Boba was putting bandages on his feet. "This damn monkey is starting to get on my nerves". Boba finally decided to just hunt the beast and use his blaster. He walked around looking for it, when he opened the trash compacter to check if it was in there. The monkey jumped on Boba's head and started to attack him, Boba shot off his blaster a few times but the monkey jumped off his head and Boba fell in the trash compacter. The monkey waved at him in the doorway, Boba got infuriated and raised his blaster, "Why you little", but the monkey pressed the control panel on the door, and it shut. The compacter started to activate, with its walls started to close in. Boba looks toward the camera "oh crap" he mumbled under his breath.

Back in the throne room…

Emperor Palpatine finally fed up with his chair's levers started to get to work on tracking the rebellion, until he saw a pink button on his chair. "I shouldn't… but I'm just too damn curious" he said and pressed the button. A hole opened in the floor and a mechanical hand shot out of it and slapped a pie in Palpatine's face.

Back in the bridge….

"No way Metallica is WAY better than Slayer" said a stormtrooper. "Not a chance in hell, ever since Metallica cut their hair, their music started to suck, they were better back in the day" said an officer. "Slipknot rules over all the bands" yelled Vader and formed his hands into devil horns. Suddenly Boba walked in the room and towards them. He was in a neck brace, his arm in a sling, his other arm clutching a crutch, and his leg in a cast. He walked right up to Vader, "No bounty is worth this" he said. Then he spotted the pizza in Vader's hand. "Give me that" and he snatched the slice out of Vader's hand. "Asshole" he grumbled after Boba left.

Then Vader's comlink came on, it was Palpatine. "Lord Vader I want you to kill whoever made this chair…. And can you get me down from here? The chair launched me into one of those bottomless pits in the throne room, you know bottomless pits are my only weakness" said Palpatine. "Yes my master" said Vader. The comlink ended, "Ungrateful, dried out, old, mummy" he mumbled. Then the monkey jumped on Vader's head again

Cut to credits

Director: Skulls

Producer: Skulls

Screenwriter: Skulls

Very special thanks to: Skulls


End file.
